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Women are like dogs. At least according to the founder of Carrot Dating, Brandon Wade.
Nerd Dating App
Carrot Dating is the “world’s first bribe-for-a-date app,” although the world would be a better place without it.
With the app, people can “motivate” other people to go on dates with them by offering a bribe, or “dangling the carrot.”
The pitch e-mail from the PR person reads, “It’s a concept so simple that even animals understand — give a dog a bone, and it will obey. Give a woman a present, and she’ll … .”
She’ll what? Hit you over the head with it, I hope.
But it gets worse.
Carrot Dating released a statement about the launch where Wade is quoted saying, “I realized that women love presents like dogs love treats. Just as an unfriendly dog wouldn’t deny a tasty treat, any beautiful girl can be bribed into giving you a first date.”
After a few minutes of feminist outrage, indignation, and swearing off of carrots, I found myself torn between my desire to rip Wade and his neolithic app a new one, and not dignify the stupidity with coverage.
I ended up choosing the former.
Wade is the founder of series of well-known creepy, shallow dating sites for horrible people — SeekingArrangement.com, an online dating website for sugardaddies and sugarbabies; WhatsYourPrice, an online dating auction; and SeekingMillionaire.com, a millionaire matchmaking website.
The MIT alum has been widely criticized for building sites that enable rich men to pay for dates (i.e., sex) with attractive women. While this may not technically be prostitution, it is incrementally different from professional escort services and, in my opinion, disgusting, sexist behavior.
Wade claims to have a noble purpose here — helping unattractive, awkward men find companionship with beautiful women. He said that after repeated rejections when he was younger, he realized that a “nerdy smile” and a “sweet personality” wasn’t enough to attract beautiful women.
Bribes, apparently, help spark romance and get a foot in the door. Or as the case may be, a hand in the pants.
The implication is that men only care about having a hot babe on their arm, and women only care about money. Women are only worthwhile if they are beautiful and can be bought with a boob job or jewelry. Self-respect and 50 years of women’s lib be damned.
Carrot Dating features a variety of bribes to choose from. In addition to plastic surgery, the bribes are divided into five categories — dining, entertainment, gifts, activities, and popular. Oddly, a tank of gas was also listed as a possible perk.
A man buying a woman a meal is hardly unusual, or even sexist. But the notion that she is only going on the date for the free food is.
The tide can, apparently, go the other way — women can also offer men bribes to go on dates with them through the site. See, equality! Right? No.
Boston Magazine reported that 30,000 users have already signed up for the app. Who are these people, and what is wrong with them? I hope it’s just morbid curiosity.
The Pew Research Center released a report earlier today which found that one in 10 Americans is now online dating and that public attitude toward these sites has improved. People are so used to networking online that the idea of searching for dates, love, and even long-term partners online is perfectly acceptable.
What is not acceptable is the glorification and codification of chauvinism.
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“Dating apps are the new norm,” one of my best friends had said while lamenting our respective love lives. I remember that sinking feeling in my gut upon hearing this, as dating apps were one of the most depressing things I’d ever done on my phone. And I once used my phone to order lasagna from Dominos while I was alone in my studio apartment drinking boxed wine and…still lamenting my love life.
I’m sensing a common thread here, might need to unpack that a bit later.
ANYWAY, dating apps for a trans woman are either a ghost-town (with the occasional man-who-didn’t-read-my-bio stumbling in, realizing where he is, and running out as fast as possible) or a cesspool of inappropriate pictures and hook-ups. Using the apps in the ‘seeking female’ mode was a bit better, but more often than not, the convos fizzled as both of us lost interest. Not only was I having issues, but from what I heard from my cis-friends, it wasn’t much better for them either. Well, except my one friend. But he’s REALLY good at getting dates, he could probably get a date with a teapot. The rest of us mortals seem to have slimmer pickings.
And if the lack of results wasn’t enough, I felt terrible using them. Making snap judgements about someone based on a five second bio skim, obsessing over what order I should put my photos, feeling the need to do it whenever I was bored…it made me feel sad. And who wants that? Dating should feel organic and exciting! So this year I’ve really been laying off of the apps and seeing if it was even possible to meet people in real life.
In the six months since starting this little experiment, I’ve gone on about 12 dates. Four with one person, two with another, two with a third, and single dates with four more. Although nothing has stuck so far, it’s taught me a ton about what’s possible and how I could achieve it without using my phone. But let’s start with the gender-swapped elephant in the room – how do you meet people, especially as a trans person?
Obviously, there is nuance to a lot of this. Your location, city-size, climate, interests, and level of social anxiety all play a role. I happen to live in Boston, which is a great place to meet people, both in and out of the LGBT spaces. But the most effective way I’ve found to meet people is, well, just engaging in things you love. I know, it sounds idiotic and cookie-cutter, but that’s literally all I’ve been doing. My first string of dates came from a girl I had met at Harvard’s LGBT conference, for example. I have a lot of interests, and once you meet and forge friendships with people at those events, it’s not difficult to connect with someone you find attractive.
For this, Facebook has been a huge help. Search events in your area pertaining to activities you really like. This does two things for you:
- It automatically curates your list of potential dating partners to people you might get along with. With dating apps, you have to put your interests on the app so people know if you have anything in common. But if you go to a board game night? You know most of those people should like nerdy stuff. And if you’re into that as well, you’ve automatically increased your odds of making a connection with someone that actually has substance.
- In dating apps, if you DON’T find anyone, you’ve literally wasted your time swiping on your phone. But events, groups of shared hobbies, concerts, and festivals have the benefit of making fun the primary purpose, and meeting someone an exciting bonus. If you don’t find a date, that’s not a big deal, because that wasn’t really the point. You still had fun (hopefully)!
Meeting up at parties with friends is another great way to curate your pool. Friends tend to have similar interests and values. So, if you have a friend whom you respect, odds are their friends will be cut from the same cloth (making it more likely you’d connect with someone at a large get-together). It’s not ‘destiny’ that you met your wife at a friend’s housewarming party, it’s just a subtle probabilistic distribution applied to social engineering.
See? Math can be sexy!
(Now, bars, clubs, and alcohol/drugs might be more your scene, but there’s going to be a higher risk of things going south in more ways than one. Be safe, exercise caution, bring a friend.)
How to Seduce Someone (a.k.a. How to Connect With Them Meaningfully)
Nerdy Girl Dating App Reviews
So okay, you put yourself in a spot to meet people, how do you ask them? Well, if you strike up a good conversation or are vibing well with someone, ask for their Instagram or Facebook, and shoot them a message a day or so later asking them on a date! I’ve done this often, and usually the response is yes! And if not, they are very happy that I asked them and it wasn’t awkward in the slightest. Think about it, if a nice person messages you and said they enjoyed your conversation and would like to grab dinner with you sometime, would you be annoyed? You’d probably be flattered, even if you weren’t super into them.
When I first started dating, I’d stress over every single person I liked to an unhealthy degree (you can ask my friends, it’s true). But now? I can ask someone on a date as easily as asking them what the forecast looks like. Like anything, it’s a skill that takes practice.
Getting to know them personally first makes it much more genuine and organic. I’ve both asked out and been asked out by people (both men, women, cis, and trans), and no matter what end I was on, it never felt awkward since I met them at friend’s gatherings where the ‘quality’ of the people was high. At a bar or a club, the odds of running into a creep, transphobe, or undesirable pursuer is much higher than if you search for people using the methods described above.
By simply following my passions (LGBT, science, games, and music) as well as maintaining an active social life with old and new friends, meeting people has happened more often than I anticipated. I’m happier, I’m not glued to my phone, and I’m actively placing myself in environments where I’ll engage with quality people who share interests with me.
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Now, it’s been fun, but I have to go – there are people to meet!
Nerdy Girl Dating App Review
-Michaela